……. and i’ll blog if I want to!
The 18th August has been an iconic date my entire life. As a child I would be waiting patiently and excitedly leading up to this date – the weeks and days beforehand would drag. It felt like it would never arrive the day beforehand! Time went so slow.
I would wake up on the 18th, full of beans and excitement for the day ahead. We would always go somewhere on my Birthday as a child and I would always have a party on the day itself if not a few days later.
I would wake up to (in my eyes) loads of presents and my mantle piece would be adorned with cards from family and friends from far and wide. The phone would start ringing from early morning until late into the evening with well wishers ringing to wish me a Happy Birthday – no on ever bothered to answer the phone on my Birthday because it would always be for me anyway.
We had lots of family living away from us when I was little but someone would always make the journey down to stay with us a couple of days beforehand and somehow it felt like my Birthday was extended, especially if I had a party a few days later.
Fast forward to today … it’s still my Birthday but these days they feel so very different. As a busy parent the days certainly don’t drag in the lead up to today (there’s always something keeping my busy) and I don’t get those ‘excited’ moments knowing my Birthday is approaching.
When the day arrives I get up to my presents, flowers and chocolates from the kids and the hubby and their cards – I love opening their cards to see their messages & bright colouring in or pictures they’ve drawn for me.
But this is where it’s different …. Birthdays as no longer as they used to be, they’re not like how I remember they were.
I have presents and cards from my Mum & Sister (obviously my Step-Dad & Brother in Law too) but that’s is ….. I don’t have any other family left. It’s really quite sad actually and today I was sat reflecting, looking over at the mantle piece at the handful of cards I had received. I have no-one left to receive cards from. The phone doesn’t ring apart from my Mum …. there’s no-one else to call me. These days I have to be the one to make the calls to the handful of people to say ‘Thank you for my card” ….. It used to be the other way around. I would get the ‘Happy Birthday’ phone call where I would then thank them for sending me a card.
The day almost passes without much of a different feeling to all the other days in my week. As a child the day would be all about me but these days I have my children still to think about – they still need looking after and they still need their dinner cooked. Being a child you could just do what you want, play with your new toys or whatever and not worry about doing mundane things.
Today will be the first time in 34 years i’ve not seen my Mum on my Birthday too. That feels like somewhat a big achievement to get to this age and to have seen her for every single one of my Birthdays yet today that has been broken.
Aside from all of the above a big difference from then to now is social network …. Every year on facebook/twitter/instagram I am showered with messages and love. Something you definitely didn’t get when I was younger. I get messages from people i’ve never even met before and from people who i’ve not seen in years, so that is really lovely.
Anyway i’m off to make my phone calls thanking people for my cards. Sad that I don’t get to speak to people who are no longer with me … people who I miss calling me up on my Birthday wishing me a lovely day – just to hear their voices again would be a present in itself.
That said I do get all that excitement like I did all those years ago as it approaches either L or C’s Birthdays.